Weekly value-added in 5 minutes
Hello Negotiation Champions!
Today you’re invited to our 3rd edition of our negotiation series. Last week we learned about active listening and clear communication as part of core strategies to prepare before a negotiation.
Today we are diving into an interview with an absolute negotiation expert. We don't want to give too much away, but this expert is not from procurement. Let’s discover what we can learn from him. Have fun!
In today’s email
Expert insights - Interview summary of an absolute negotiation expert.
Link to negotiations in procurement - what we can learn from this expert.
Book recommendations.
C2B takeaway.
THE INTERVIEW
“Having negotiation skills means that you can weaponize emotional intelligence. Previously, you would only get to learn emotional intelligence under the most extreme circumstances, but it’s such a key skill. If you want people to cooperate with you… If you want to connect with people who you don’t share any common-ground with… If you want to get a deal done without regrets… That’s where negotiation techniques can work, across all cultures.”
- Chris Voss, CEO & Founder of the Black Swan Group Ltd, former FBI Hostage & Kidnapping Negotiator.
Renowned as a distinguished entrepreneur, author, and scholar, Chris Voss boasts a remarkable career spanning twenty-four years as a hostage negotiator for the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) and as a leader in international kidnapping cases. During his tenure at the FBI, Chris orchestrated negotiations with some of the world's most perilous individuals in high-stakes scenarios. Armed with a bachelor's degree from Iowa State University and a master's in public administration from Harvard University's John F. Kennedy School of Government, he commenced his journey as an FBI SWAT officer in the Pittsburgh field office. Progressing through the ranks, he evolved into a pivotal crisis negotiator and a key figure in the New York City Joint Terrorism Task Force. Post his retirement in 2007, Chris transitioned to the private sector, establishing the Black Swan Group—a firm devoted to providing negotiation training and consulting services, imparting invaluable skills to individuals seeking mastery in the art of negotiation.
Q: What is negotiation?
[Chris Voss]: Fundamentally; negotiation is about gathering information and processing it to be able to exert influence on an outcome. The best negotiators can do this in real-time through communication.
Q: How do you learn to negotiate in high-stakes situation?
[Chris Voss]: Negotiation takes practice- I started in a relatively high-stake setting, on a suicide hotline- and in that environment, you received a fair amount of training, and listened to a number of calls before you even got on the phone with someone. You are as good as your highest level of preparation in any negotiation.
In any negotiation, you develop trust by putting in time where you don’t have any skin in the game; that means you need to watch negotiations happen- and get a feel for how it’s done. You can’t just throw yourself in at the deep end and hope you can swim.
Q: What are the most common reasons that negotiations fail?
[Chris Voss]: There are a few common reasons that negotiations fail.
The first reason is failing to hear the other side out- you see that constantly.
The second reason is coming in with an extreme position- you see this a lot- look, imagine a dude who says, “this is how I have sex with women, I walk right up to them, say ‘let’s have sex…’ and they have sex with me.’ The point of fact is that the guy didn’t realise how many women he drove away who could have actually got romantically involved with him, and cared – his data is simple every girl he’s ever had sex with, was because he just walked up to them and said let’s have sex!. He has no idea how many deals he’s pushed off the table by taking an extreme position.
Taking extreme positions can not only lead to you bargaining against yourself- but can lead to deals being driven off the table- and that’s a failure.
Q: How do you decide what’s fair in a relationship?
[Chris Voss]: Listen, fair is relative- I could pay a fair-market value for something and bankrupt your company because you can’t afford to pay it.
Now, let’s also say you work for me for less than fair market value- set by minimum wage – $10-$14/hr. Would you work as Warren Buffet’s personal assistant for less than the fair minimum wage? Yes! Would you work for less than minimum wage to be Oprah’s personal assistant? Yes! That’s what I’m talking about – fair is a criterion within an overall context; as soon as people start getting bent outa’ shape about a price tag, they’re losing track of where the real value is.
Q: What is the role of the illusion of control in a relationship?
[Chris Voss]: Control and leverage are two-dimensional concepts that can lead you to leaving money on the table. By trying to get control you can drive deals away but if you know that the other side is control-oriented? You can get all the leverage by saying, ‘wow… you’re so powerful, you’re in charge… you have all the leverage…’ and once you know that’s what turns the other side on? You can get them to give you want ever you want!
Q: What is the power of mirroring in negotiation?
[Chris Voss]: Mirroring is a crazy skill, it’s so insanely effective. If you explain mirroring to people, they’re like nah, that shit’ll never work – but it’s huge. Just repeating the last 3 words of what someone said or picking out 1-3 words from the middle of the statement, can get you the outcome you need. Using mirroring, you feel like you can work Jedi mind tricks!
Q: How do you spot liars?
[Chris Voss]: There’s spotting liars- and then what you do about t. There’s so much bullshit and deception out there- and most of it comes out of defensiveness and fear- not from evil intent. Listen, don’t get me wrong- some people lie and bullshit you because they are trying to get something out of you, but most of the time- it’s because they’re scared and don’t know how to tell the truth. Alright; so now, if you’ve spotted, I’m lying… now what… should you still make a deal with me? You have to draw people out of the position of fear to really understand them- flat-out asking people if they’re liars will never help you.
Q: What are some of the outcomes you’ve achieved that you’re most proud of?
[Chris Voss]: The Jeff Schilling case was a highlight. He was kidnapped, with a significant monetary demand for his release. We got him released without throwing any money on the table. We had to create a breakthrough environment, to enable something good to happen. We weren’t confrontational, we just allowed the discussion to unfold, stayed collaborative- and in that case, the bad-guy loosened their grip on the hostage enough so the hostage could walk-away; thus, the hostage taker was bankrupted. When it was all over, the bad guy called the negotiator I was coaching to congratulating him for doing a great job! By making that call, the bad-guy was indicating that he would work with that negotiator again- and in my view, every negotiation should work like that. You have to say separated from your feelings and work together with all sides to get to a goal- that decision is separate from the outcome, you need to make sure the other side will want to deal with you again.
Q: Do both sides always need to be ‘happy’ with the outcome of a negotiation?
[Chris Voss]: It’s a myth that both sides of a negotiation have to be equally happy or unhappy. A year and a half ago, I was speaking at a conference with Kevin O’Leary from Shark Tank. It’s a really intimate event- no more than 200 people and he said, ‘..in my experience, the best negotiations are those which leave both sides a little bit unhappy….’ – in my own view, if it’s meant to be a long-term relationship, is it really good that both sides start out unhappy? Probably not – a great relationship is where people are happy- not just with how things are but with how they got to be.
Q: How do you gain the permission to negotiate?
[Chris Voss]: First of all, you need to get this middle-ground concept out of your head- that’s not how negotiations work. Gaining permission to negotiate starts by getting the other side to open-up – no matter how bad a situation is, you can get the other side to talk with you rather than at you. All you’ve got to do is- to their face- call yourself every name that they are harbouring about you, it’s that simple; it means you’re demonstrating understanding- the other side may think you’re a jerk- whatever it is- whatever adjective from your culture best describes the worst possible name they could think of for you- all you’ve got to do is look them in the eye and say you feel I am <blank> – that’s super simple, right?
The thing is, it may sound easy- but it’s hard to do- but if you can do it- it can unlock a situation in a heartbeat.
One of the first people we coached to do this was a sales professional for an internet security provider. He was selling servers and wanted to get this client to buy a new server- but they kept being against it. So, we got him to start an accusations audit – he worked on this for two solid days- thinking about all the names they were going to call him- he said it made him feel dirty! And took him to a bad place- but we told him to carry on and keep going. He needed to meditate just to deal with the reactions it gave him, but guess what- it worked- he didn’t just sell them one server, he sold them three.
Q: What is the power that negotiating can give you?
[Chris Voss]: Having negotiation skills means that you can weaponize emotional intelligence. Previously, you would only get to learn emotional intelligence under the most extreme circumstances, but it’s such a key skill. If you want people to cooperate with you… if you want to connect with people who you don’t share any common-ground with…. If you want to get a deal done without regrets…. That’s where negotiation techniques can work, across all cultures.
LINK TO NEGOTIATIONS IN PROCUREMENT
In the context of procurement, Chris Voss's insights provide valuable lessons for negotiation strategies. Here's the link to negotiations in procurement:
Procurement managers can apply Chris Voss's approach to gather information effectively, develop trust through preparation, and avoid common pitfalls like extreme positions. Understanding the relative concept of fairness and leveraging emotional intelligence in negotiations can significantly impact procurement outcomes. Moreover, mirroring techniques and gaining permission to negotiate by acknowledging concerns can enhance communication and deal-making in the procurement process.
BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS
“Diplomacy”, by Henry Kissinger. Offering a panoramic view of history and a description of firsthand diplomatic encounters, the former Secretary of State describes his ideas about diplomacy and power balances, showing how national negotiating styles influence outcomes. Click here for the German version of this book.
“The Back Channel”, by William J. Burns is a treasure of American diplomacy.”—Hillary Clinton“The Back Channel shows how diplomacy works, why it matters, and why its recent demise is so tragic.”—Walter Isaacson, author of Leonardo da VinciOver the course of more than three decades as an American diplomat, William J. Burns played a central role in the most consequential diplomatic episodes of his time—from the bloodless end of the Cold War to the collapse of post–Cold War relations.
“Protocol”, by Capricia Penavic Marshall. President Obama’s former United States chief of protocol looks at why diplomacy and etiquette matter—from the international stage to everyday life. History often appears to consist of big gestures and dramatic shifts. But for every peace treaty signed, someone set the stage, using hidden influence to effect the outcome. In her roles as chief of protocol for President Barack Obama and social secretary to President Bill Clinton and First Lady Hillary Clinton, Capricia Penavic Marshall not only bore witness to history, she facilitated it.
C2B Takeaway
Building Trust: Establishing trust is crucial, and individuals can do this by investing time in relationships where there's no immediate personal gain.
Avoiding Extreme Positions: Whether in personal relationships or business transactions, taking extreme positions can lead to missed opportunities. Finding common ground and avoiding confrontation is key.
Achieving Positive Outcomes: Chris Voss's approach to negotiation focuses on creating win-win situations. Individuals can aim for outcomes where both parties are satisfied, fostering long-term relationships.
We learned today
Fundamentals of Negotiation: Negotiation is about gathering information and influencing outcomes in real-time through effective communication.
Preparation is Key: Negotiation skills improve with practice and thorough preparation. Trust is built through observing negotiations and understanding the process.
Common Reasons for Failure: Failure to listen, adopting extreme positions, and not recognizing the other side's perspective are common reasons negotiations fail.
Fairness is Relative: Fairness depends on context, and understanding the value beyond a price tag is crucial in negotiations.
Illusion of Control: Control and leverage can be two-dimensional concepts. Recognizing and adapting to the other side's need for control can be advantageous.
Power of Mirroring: Mirroring, or repeating key words, is an effective negotiation skill that can influence outcomes significantly.
Dealing with Deception: Understanding why people lie and addressing underlying fears is essential in negotiation.
Striving for Positive Outcomes: The goal is not necessarily equal happiness for both sides but creating outcomes where both parties are content and willing to engage in future negotiations.
Gaining Permission to Negotiate: Instead of entering negotiations with a predefined middle-ground concept, gaining permission to negotiate involves getting the other party to open up. Acknowledging concerns and addressing negative perceptions can pave the way for constructive discussions.
Weaponizing Emotional Intelligence: Negotiation skills empower individuals to weaponize emotional intelligence. This means using emotional intelligence strategically to build cooperation, connect with diverse individuals, and seal deals without regrets. These skills are universal and can be applied across various cultural contexts.
In summary, the interview with Chris Voss offers a wealth of insights applicable to both procurement managers and private individuals. The key takeaways include the importance of preparation, understanding the relative nature of fairness, effective communication through mirroring, recognizing and addressing deception with empathy, and striving for positive outcomes that create a foundation for future negotiations. Whether in professional procurement or personal relationships, the principles of negotiation presented by Chris Voss provide a valuable roadmap for success.
Thank you for being part of our community - See you next week!
PS: What’s the #1 thing that made you want to check out this newsletter?
Reply and let us know. We read every reply.